25个精选冷笑话

内涵段子 老郝 187浏览 0评论

00.
俩风车在风力发电厂里杵着。
一个问:“你喜欢什么类型的音乐?”
另一个回答:“我是个大铁风扇/我是个金属粉。”
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?" The other says, "I'm a big metal fan."

01.
哪两个字可以打开你人生中形形色色的大门?
推、拉。
What are the 2 words that will open lots of doors in your life?
Push and Pull

02.
什么东西是绿色的而且有两个轮子?
草。轮子什么的是我瞎编的。
What’s green and has two wheels?
Grass. I lied about the wheels.

03.
什么东西既是绿色又是红色还是蓝色且是黄色还带紫色和橙色?
颜色。
What is green, red, blue, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.

04.
扔出去但是飞不回来的回力镖叫啥?
一根棍子。
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.

05.
为啥你从来看不到树丛后面藏着的大象?
因为他们精通此艺。
Why do you never see elephants hiding behind trees?
Because they are very good at it.

06.
蝙蝠侠在上车前跟罗宾说了什么?
丫快上车。
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Get in the car.

07.
什么食难以下咽?
现实。
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reality.

08.
生活在瑞士最好的事儿是什么?
母鸡,不过他们的旗倒是挺积极。
What's the best part about living in Switzerland?
I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.

09.
一个不好笑的笑话该叫什么?
句子。
What do you call a joke that isn’t funny?
A sentence.

10.
我跟朋友说,你眉毛画得太高了。
她一脸看起来很惊讶的样子。
I told my friend she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

11.
为什么小乔在家宅着没去参加派对?
因为没人邀请他…
Why did Jordan stay home from the party?
He wasn’t invited…

12.
其实空中滑翔并不需要降落伞。
但是如果你想滑第二次的话,就需要了。
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

13.
回想80年代,我从自行车上摔了下来,不仅扭了脚还磕伤了膝盖。
为啥我现在跟你说这个?
因为80年代没有社交网络啊。
Back in 1980, I fell off my bike, twisted my foot, and hurt my knee.
I’m telling you this now because there was no social media in the ‘80s.

14.
一个病人跟大夫说他感觉不到自己的腿了。
大夫回答:“那当然,因为我把你两条胳膊都截了。”
A patient told the surgeon he couldn’t feel his legs.
The surgeon replied, “I know. I amputated your arms.”

15.
如果一棵树在森林里默默地倒下而没一个人注意到…
那我的非法伐木公司就有赚头了。
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…
Then my illegal logging company is a success.

16.
平行线有那么多共同点。
可惜他们永远不会相交。
Parallel lines have so much in common.
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

17.
一匹马走进一间酒吧,酒保问他:“为啥拉长着脸?”
马说:“进化。”
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?”
The horse says, “Evolution.”

18.
什么东西是蓝色的但是闻起来像红油漆?
蓝油漆。
What’s blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.

19.
他情人节的时候送了她啥?
啥红色的东西和一堆虚情假意的甜言蜜语。
What did he give her on Valentine’s Day?
Something red and lots of lies.

20.
因为我时常需要建议,所以我经常自言自语。
I talk to myself because sometimes I just need advice.

21.
为什么说朋友跟雪很像?
因为你一嘘嘘对方就会消失。
Why are friends a lot like snow?
If you pee on them they disappear.

22.
音乐家胳膊上的那个美女叫啥?
纹身。
What do you call a pretty woman on the arm of a musician?
A tattoo.

23.
我朋友对我说:“什么跟橙子押韵?”
然后我告诉他:“不,这俩不押韵。”
My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”
And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”

24.
玛丽有了一头小绵羊…
医生吓晕了过去。
Mary had a little lamb…
The doctor fainted.

25.
玫瑰花丛凋谢了。
紫罗兰也枯萎了。
看来我不适合当园艺师。
Roses are dead.
Violets are dead.
I am a bad gardener.

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